


Humans Are Unkillable

by E_K_Hannila



Category: Original Work
Genre: Oneshot, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_K_Hannila/pseuds/E_K_Hannila
Summary: Based off an Imgur post (this one to be exact): https://imgur.com/gallery/LONNb





	Humans Are Unkillable

I stood at my desk, reading through the mission files I’d received just minutes before. The young man who had brought them to me was sitting across from me, clicking his teeth anxiously.   
“You have some experience with these… humans, do you not, Raevnay?” I said.   
“Y-Yes,” Raevnay said, a violet blush spreading out from around his eyes. “Sir, you don’t want to deal with them.”   
“It’s just a minor cleanup,” I said, setting down the digicard. “Nothing to worry about. It should only take a couple days.”   
“Permission to speak freely?” Raevnay said.   
“Granted.”   
“Humans are unkillable.”   
I snorted. “No such thing. I’ve killed creatures the size of a shuttle; even the tallest humans barely come up to a Zayetan’s shoulder. I could crush them in my bare hands.”   
“Sir, I’m sure you could,” Raevnay said, “but first you’d have to catch them. They can run faster than any Zayetan, and they never get tired. Even the children can run for dozens of kilometers if they need to.”   
“Then we get the snipers,” I said. “They can’t outrun a bullet, can they?”   
“Well, no, but –”   
“Then it’s settled,” I said, standing up. “You’re dismissed.”   
“Sir!” Raevnay said. “Humans are more resilient than anything I’ve ever encountered. They can survive almost any injury – I saw one get his arm ripped off by a snow cat, and he strangled it one-handed, then walked away.”   
That sentence stopped me. “You’re serious?” I said. “You’re sure it wasn’t just his sleeve, or a prosthetic?”   
Raevnay nodded. “Prosthetics don’t bleed.”   
I sat back down, putting my head in my hands. “So they can survive dismemberment, they can outrun a foot soldier – can’t we just set fire to their camps?”   
“That might work, but only if you can trap them inside,” Raevnay said. “And that’s going to be difficult, considering they’re almost as strong as Zayetans for every kilogram of body weight. Anything we set up, they’ll be able to break down, and they might even have escape routes we can’t find.”   
“Can we poison them, gas them, anything?” I said. “Some C8H11NO2, maybe. A few parts per million should be more than enough to burn through their lungs.”   
“Sir… they’d thank us for it,” said Raevnay. “It’s one of their main neurotransmitters.”   
I growled, resisting the urge to pound my head on the desk. “So what does kill them?”   
Raevnay shrugged. “Not much. There’s several chemicals that are toxic to them, not least of which is alcohol, which they consume as part of regular meals and even for enjoyment. They can survive losing almost half their blood, and even with up to thirty percent gone they can still run and fight. When they’re hurt, they don’t just lay down and wait to die, they keep going.”   
“But there’s gotta be something…”   
“If you ask me, I say we just give them the continent,” Raevnay said.   
“No, if we cave to a simian species, none of our allies will respect us,” I said. “And if they’re as hardy as you say they are, then letting this colony stay here will tell the humans to send more. We head out tomorrow.”   
“And what do you expect us to do when we get there?”   
“We’ll follow orders,” I said, “and get rid of the human colony.”  
Never mind that I don’t know how to do that. 

The ship glided into low geostationary orbit above the believed location of the human colony.   
“I can’t believe anyone lives here,” the pilot said under his breath. “This place is practically engineered to kill anything that moves.”   
“Their colony must be underground,” I said. “It’s the only place they can survive the storms and tides in the area where they crashed. Send a scout drone down to check out the area.”   
“Aye, sir.”   
A small silver sphere flew out of the front of the ship, spiraling down to the crash site. A few minutes later, the cameras switched on, showing an aerial view of an oblong crater with several small tents set up around it, as well as the crushed remains of dozens more of the flimsy plastic-and-metal shelters.   
Suddenly, the drone lost all control, falling wildly out of the air. It hit the ground with a clunk, and someone picked it up.   
“My God,” the pilot said, leaning forward in his seat as the drone’s cameras were turned towards the flat, pale face of a human female.   
“How have they survived this long?” I said. “No armor, just pasty white skin without a scale to be seen.”   
“They have no armor, but they learned early on to make their own,” Raevnay said. “Their relatively advanced technology and acute intelligence gave them the means to… eliminate… most of the predatory species on their home planet, and domesticate many of the rest.”   
“Maybe we don’t have to clear out their colony,” one of the greener cadets said. “Maybe if we ask them nicely to leave, they’ll listen.”   
“It could work,” I said. “Send down a negotiation team – and make sure they’re armed.” 

The negotiator was welcomed with open arms – his guards less so, but still given a place at the table. The humans’ food was quite strange, and the negotiators didn’t dare eat any of it, especially since it seemed as if these strange people were immune to any poison.   
That night they slept in their shuttle, as the humans had agreed to let them stay and “think on” the decisions.   
While they slept, a group of humans sneaked into their shuttle and killed the negotiator and his guards, then took the shuttle and the largest group they could up to the main ship. Within a day they had killed all 90 people onboard the ship, even with many of their own party being dealt mortal wounds.   
They proceeded to bring everyone from their crashed ship onboard the Zayetan warship, then headed out through the star system, leaving a trail of death and looted planets, and a clear message wherever they went:   
Fear the humans.


End file.
